Live Laugh Love

Today, we would have celebrated my son's 35th Birthday; instead, I wept at his headstone. Todd was taken from us 14 years ago and each year that passes, I react differently. Each time a new friend learns of my loss, I react differently. But, I have come to realize that I am normal and these reactions are 'my normal'.

This year there were tears, last year there were smiles. When I talk about Todd, I usually speak with joy in my heart and a smile on my face, but on occasion, tears run down my face. You never know what you will get. And this is 'my norm'.

Someone once told me "I couldn't go on living, after losing a child"... what is that supposed to mean? Was I supposed to crawl into a corner and fade away? There is another child in my life, a young man who needs me, and needs to know that it is ok to live his life. There are children born into this family would never meet Todd, but can know who he was, and can love him just the same and the only way that can happen is if we live joyfully and share stories of his life and learn how he would love us.

Each year, around Todd's birthday, the family gets together for a BBQ, we watch a video montage of Todd's life and the day we laid him to rest, and we travel to his resting place for a toast and each year there are more children and spouses added to the family. This gives us a new opportunity to introduce Todd. We love how everyone comes out to keep Todd alive in our hearts and the hearts of children
who had never met Todd, but feel as if they know him.

My granddaughter knows her uncle and loves him deeply because of the love her father has for his brother. Since the day she was born they would show her his picture and they would kiss him by the front door every time they left the house. When she was with grandma, we would take Todd on imaginary safari trips. And she knows Todd must have been a special uncle when she sees here pappa cry because he misses him.

I thank my GOD for the 21 years of life with my son and I continue to thank GOD for the family that comes together to celebrate the life Todd shared with each of us. His cousins, aunts and uncles make this day a good day - tears or no tears - it's good because we are all there and we hear his name and it touches our hearts.

Rest in Peace, my son. I will see you again someday!