Forgiveness- setting aside my resentment

This trial in my life, opened my heart up to GOD, and it was HE that worked within me, to reach out, and restore the one who offended me, Todd’s best friend, Eric McCray.  Todd and Eric shared a friendship; they were once cousins (by marriage) and they loved their dogs, and in March of 2005 they became roommates on 5 acres of land. The boys were excited to be living on 5 acres in the country and one day Eric told Todd that somewhere in the bible, God speaks about “enlarging your territory” and the boys called me, and I led them to the Prayer of Jabez in 1 Chronicles.

Only two months later ERIC SHOT TODD. We may never really know what occurred that night, however Eric pleaded Guilty to Negligent Homicide and received 4 years intensive probation. Never spending a night in jail.

After my son Todd was taken from me, my heart kept tugging at me… and I would ask myself:

How would Todd want me to react?

What would Jesus want me to do?

Our Pastor preaches about loving one another, and how the fallen need to be led to Christ. So, one day I went purchased the Book - Prayer of Jabez. I wanted Eric to understand that Jabez was asking to enlarge his wisdom, to share with others, and not to cause harm to others. That this prayer was much more than giving more land. Yet the book sat on my shelf for 2 years, until the day I heard that Eric was sitting in the county jail for violating his probation.

I wanted to meet Eric – Not sure what I was going to say or how I would react. I knew God talking to me and that I needed to react. And It was the image of greeting my son in heaven and the possibility of seeing Eric standing next to him that reassured me to take the next step.

My Pastors and friends offered me encouragement, and prepared me

for the worst.

FORGIVENESS (Betrayal)

What I really wanted to know if Eric was worth being saved… and who am I to make this decision?

The night before I traveled to Bisbee to meet with Eric for the first time since seeing him during the trial., is when forgiveness really sunk in. Lanny (my Pastor’s wife and a great friend) gave me 14 texts on forgiveness… I pulled out 4 bible versions and began reading. All these texts led me to the forgiveness that Eric should be asking for, not me. Until I came across 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 which spoke to me and made me understand why I needed to forgive:

          (the message bible) Now, regarding the one who started all this-the person in question who caused all this pain-I want you to know that I am not the one injured in this as much as, with a few exceptions, all of you. So I don't want to come down too hard. What the majority of you agreed to as punishment is punishment enough. Now is the time to forgive this man and help him back on his feet. If all you do is pour on the guilt, you could very well drown him in it. My counsel now is to pour on the love.

          The focus of my letter wasn't on punishing the offender but on getting you to take responsibility for the health of the church. So if you forgive him, I forgive him. Don't think I'm carrying around a list of personal grudges. The fact is that I'm joining in with your forgiveness, as Christ is with us, guiding us. After all, we don't want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief-we're not oblivious to his sly ways!

The next day, I gathered up my strength and courage, and I prayed, and took deep breaths before entering the jail. Only to be informed that Eric was only allowed 1 visitor and he already had a visitor that evening. I was so distraught! I did not know if I could emotionally make this trip again - then out of the corner of my eye I saw Eric’s father, Chuck and I called to him. We ended up in the parking lot at the jail and spoke for almost 2 hours.

I listened about the three mothers who had abandoned Eric, I heard about his mental health the countless suicide attempts, and the guilt Eric endures as he continues to live in the house where he had shot Todd.

He would not make a move without his father’s advice – yet when he heard that I was coming to visit him in jail, there was no hesitation; he had wanted to see me too! He had wanted to reach out to me several times over the past two years, but had become scared.

There was no doubt – I would return to Bisbee for his next visit. On Sabbath morning, my husband drove me to the Bisbee County jail.

My heart was racing as I walked into the County Jail. We sat in silence for a moment and would glance at each other through the glass. Then we picked up our phones and, with a broken voice, he told me how sorry he was for taking Todd away from me. We both held back the tears as much as we could. “I didn’t want this to happen”, he said, “Todd was my best friend and I am so sorry”.

         

I told Eric that I really missed Todd. And he shared with me how much he also missed him. How hard it was to go anywhere because he would always have memories with Todd and what a good friend he was. Eric Thanked me for coming and told me how many times he had wanted to reach out to me.

I explained to Eric that God worked on my heart to take this step today. And then I asked him, “If Todd was sitting next to you; Do you believe Todd could forgive you?” Eric paused for a moment looked me in the eye and said “yes, I do”. 

I then told Eric, “OK, I will now set aside my resentment towards you and hope and pray that Jesus can re-enter your life”.

What ever took place that night, Eric realizes he had his hand in it, and that he is responsible for taking Todd’s life. Obviously, he cannot bring Todd back to us, but he needed to “make it right”.

I then asked Eric if I could pray with him, which he accepted. It was a simple prayer asking God to guide us and walk with us, but during this prayer Eric felt it in his heart to “let it all out” and he cried, with heavy sobs coming from his breath. And after the Amen Eric stated his promise to me that he would “make it right” and that he had to live on… I told Eric that I would be watching him and I wished him luck and that God would be with him.

         

Two months later I heard from Eric and he told me he had been released from jail within two weeks after our meeting. He met with a Pastor from Hereford and prayed for job which he received, working 50 hours a week. He was attending Church every Sunday, Prayer meetings every Tuesday night, weekly counseling sessions with the pastor and Probation counselors, and He became involved with community service

His father had purchased a workbook to study with the Prayer of Jabez I had given him. Eric’s father thanked me and told me that it was my visit that picked Eric up and helped him to head down the road to live once again.

****It is amazing to me, that even with all my flaws and mistakes in life, that God took me on this journey. My hope is that by sharing this experience with you, that you too, may see the opportunities, no matter how difficult it may seem, to journey with God in sharing His love. 

I will continue to shed many tears for my son Todd, and I hope GOD continues to fill my heart and mind.